Belonging

Life is weird for folk like me that go through their whole life feeling like you never belong.
The way we get treated by those who are supposed to look out for us and care for us. Makes us believe we are worthless and don't deserve to belong anywhere.
Thing is kids are still being treated like this and having there lives ruined.
Its to late for someone like me. My life is ruined and I don't deserve to belong anywhere. However the kids in the system now and those coming into the system need our help. They need a system that works for them and gives them believe in themselves and the system.

TIME OF YEAR

IN KNOW WAY IS THIS ABOUT MY PAST
THIS IS ABOUT OUR YOUNG VULNERABLE KIDS STILL BEING TREATED IN THIS WAY


This time of year kills people like me who have been through this abuse perpetrated by social services.


You are starting a new year looking forward to spring, spending time with family and you remember all you have missed out on and lost.

I suppose with what I've been speaking about in my last few blog's you'll think its all negative stuff. However there are a number of pseudo-positive things that happen because of our past. They are-

1) You become very self reliant
2) You learn not to rely on others or share anything important with anyone
3) You build a large wall, a shell if you will to protect you from the hurt of loss
4) You keep others at arms length again to protect yourself from pain
5) You build an external front of brashness and aggression this prevents strangers from even trying to get to know you
6) When you do accept someone into your friendship they will always be there and you will always protect them
7) You learn very quickly who you are, the real you, including all your bad points


All of this means you can become a drain on society and the health service. I have been receiving treatment for my mental health for over 4 decades. Surely the right way to carry out care for our young folk is to make sure their childhood is such that they don't need this sort of mental health care. Social services though have learned nothing over those 4 decades! They still treat kids in a way that removes their human rights, it creates future problems for our health service but most importantly it prevents these young folk from becoming a credit to themselves, it prevents them from being able to put something back into they're community.


COME ONE PEOPLE THIS IS WRONG! WHEN WILL WE TELL THEM IT IS NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE?

sorry

I'd like to apologise if anyone felt my last blog post was full of self pity about the past.


I am feeling sorry for myself and I am feeling real low but that is not why I posted that last entry here.
There are kids in our country who are suffering today what I suffered decades ago and that is wrong. Our children deserve the best we can do for them always. They deserve parents who love them and care for them most of all they deserve a society that is fair and will always put those children first.

If any child has been abused in any manner then it is the responsibility of our society to provide them not only with sufficient care but with the best treatment they can to eradicate any negativity from the abuse these poor kids suffer. Our social services should be looking not only for suitable homes where these poor kids are cared for but they should ensure all that can be done for their mental and physical well being is done at the same time.



So if anyone felt I was posting with self pity then sorry. My self pity is kept inside and bottled up so tight that no one will see it.

The effects all this has on me

I suppose I should start with what you see if you were looking at me.

I am 5ft 10ins tall covered with tattoo's and until recently shaved my head.
Then I can be a bit in your face a bit loud and opinionated.
So outwardly I seem to be a confident self assured 54 yr old man. However appearances can be very deceptive.

Thanks to what social services did with my family I-
1) Have serious abandonment issues
2) Have lots of acquaintances but very very few true friends, being truthful with myself I have one
3) I find it very difficult to trust people
4) Find talking about stuff that truly matters impossible other than with that one true friend
5) There is one person I let close enough to really know me and not the front I put on for others
6) Days like tomorrow (Christmas) are a nightmare I can't enjoy it as I am always thinking of what I lost all those years that will never be made up for



Basically I have become a very dysfunctional man.  Dealing with folk online is easy, they will never see the real me the man that is so frightened of being sussed out as being useless. they will never know what I fraud I am but most importantly they will never close enough to hurt me.


That is why on Christmas eve I am sat on my own with my thoughts, my mobile switched of and my land line pulled out from the wall so no one can contact me. They won't need to hear the wreck I am sat crying and worrying about loss of the past and knowing because of who I am the loss that will come in the future.
I sit here knowing that in real life all I do is cause pain suffering for all those who get to know me.  Over the last few years I have realized that I cause so much pain to those that get real close and it tears me apart how I hurt those few special folk who take the time to see past the mask.



I do not write any of this to gain sympathy or have folk say oh what a shame for that poor man.

The reason I am writing this is so all those poor kids still going through this today in the 21st century have a voice and may not need to go through what I am if WE can change the way social services deal with adopted/fostered children.


I mean seriously these kids have been damaged by some kind of abuse that's why they're in care normally. Social services come along and through their ineptitude make matters worse created kids that suffer so badly for decades to come.
They give kids who already have abandonment issues and trust issues a future marred with so much strife and distress that they can't be adequate, they become a drain on the system (as I did for years) but most importantly they remove the children s basic human rights in an age when even Child Abusers get treated leniently because if not their human rights have been infringed.

Who deserves these human rights more the abuser or the abused child?




Tonight as every Christmas I am hurting. It's to late to change me or what happened but please don't let us fail children who are still being treated like this!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas

At this time of year more than any other, we realise how important family is.

Imagine then knowing you have siblings but not knowing where they are. If they're all right. Nothing.
There are 1700 kids in Scotland who have no contact with their siblings thanks to social services.

So when your sat with your family this festive season please spare a thought for those kids who can't even say hello to their brother or sister.

I know this won't be acceptable to some of you but these kids deserve the HUMAN RIGHT of knowing who they're family are and where they love.

Effects on others

These pictures show my niece and nephew at their Christmas carol concert yesterday.

It was a weird day.

To start with a 3hr drive to get there, after picking my son up, he would meet his cousins for the first time and he is 29. Then I met a lovely lass that at one point had been my sister in law. Now that I had ever met her, social services wouldn't allow it. With her was my niece who looks so much like my mum it's scary. Every time I see it brings a lump to my throat, not that I have seen her often, only once actually another thing they stopped.

Then of to my brothers house to see him and his with their 3 kids. This again is something that social services would rather had never happened. We both spent a great afternoon just chilling having a cuppa and chatting. I wish I could spend more time with them but the distance makes that hard.

My nephew and niece at their carol concert

my nephew

my niece

My nephew and niece at their carol concert

We then went to my niece and nephews Christmas carol concert which was just amazing. I didn't understand the parts in Gaelic but it was an awesome night. 

On the way home my son and I were lucky enough to see a barn owl, 2 female red deer and a very large red deer stag.

A great end to an amazing day, well other than the 3 hr drive lol.

After I dropped my son of I went home and had a cuppa it had been a long day. Left home at 9.30am and returned around 11.30pm but oh so worth it.

Then the mind kicks into gear. All those thoughts about what might have been.


When I was thinking all of them I realized that this abuse by social services did not just effect my brother's sister and I. It effected the 9 kids who are my nephews and nieces one of whom it looks like I will never meet, my 3 kids and their 7 kids, my ex wife and my brothers 2 ex wives.

That means including my 3 siblings and myself social services have abused and altered the life of 26 people for no good reason.
They are still doing this please don't allow it to continue speak up and make them listen abuse of children by the state like this is so wrong and must stop!

what the professionals say

Here is a what some professionals say. As in domestic adoption, children may also be separated from siblings who have remained either living with the birth parents or other birth family relatives. And, of course, different families may adopt siblings. When adoptive parents know that siblings are living with other adoptive parents, they usually want to connect with each other. Unfortunately, many times parents only know that the sibling was adopted by another family, with no other information available to them. Honor the Connections Just as adoptive parents honor the connections to birth parents, it is important that all who touch the lives of children in foster care and adoption give serious consideration to sibling relationships. Whether the goal is to maintain a strong sibling connection, heal sibling relationships, or foster new connections, these ties should not be broken. What about the children who have no information about siblings? It is painful for parents to say and for children to hear, “I don’t know.” Most parents will try everything possible to get as much information as possible for their children. But sometimes the reality is just that it isn’t possible. Because of China’s one child policy and no available information, many children may speculate, and rightfully so, about the possibility that they were the “second born” and have an older brother or sister. Children in domestic or international adoption may also wonder if their parents went on to have other children. These quotes are from this link if anyone wants to read the whole thing. http://www.adoptionsupport.org/pub/docs/sibling_bonds09copyright.pdf It does show that social services still split families and still prevent contact after adoption/fostering.