I heard this quote on a TV programme today and realised this is why I write this blog.
Body and soul cannot be separated for purpose of treatment. For they are one an indivisible. Sick minds must be healed as well as sick bodies. Dr Jeff Miller.
This made me realise that I have been under psychiatric treatment since 1965, not all of it due to social services. Now in my 50's I realise that if social services had done a better job, or even if they had tried to do the job they are paid for then perhaps I might not be in this situation.
However they did not learn from past mistakes and our vulnerable children are still being treated in the same manner. With so much disregard for they're future mental health and for such a cost both financial and a lack of young folk who can contribute, to our society.
Let us force them to change the way they deal with young folk NOW!
My apologise to anyone I have offended over recent weeks. The silly season as I call it makes me a little crazy. Bet you didn't notice lol. But please speak about this scandal being done to our young vulnerable kids!
Saturday 4 January 2014
Friday 3 January 2014
new year
Over the last week or two I've spent a lot of time in thought about these kids who are suffering today because social services can't or won't learn any lessons from their past mistakes.
I know it might not seem like it but I find it very difficult to talk about what happened to me. In real life that is, on here where it's kinda anonymous its easy because no one really knows me. In real life there is only one person who knows how I feel and why.
Since finding out that these things are still happening it has kinda got to me and wound me up. So I thought I'd be brutally honest about these things here. See if it makes anyone think or hopefully do something about it all.
I won't go into what happened but rather speak about the effects my past has on me today some 40years later.
To start with daily living. I find it very difficult to be among crowds or with new people. There are even a few places I'd like to go that I don't because there will be large crowds there. Trying to interact with folk I don't know just makes me so scared I start shaking. Over recent weeks I fell out with a guy I had been friends with for over 20 years because of all this. He felt it wasn't my place to argue anyone's case other than my own and since I had found my siblings I could just forget it ever happened. Well NO I can't because there are kids now in their formative years who will be learning life as I did and becoming so dysfunctional they won't have a life!
Anyone who knows me will find this hard to believe but when I go for the weekly shop I need a list of what to buy and where to buy it or I get so confused I don't get anything.
When there is a disagreement in the family I end up shaking and become so frightened of what will happen that I stay away from family members rather than face the argument. This is better than what I used to do when I would just start hitting folk.
When I do my hobbies, all of which are things done on your own, I never think my work is good enough and end up throwing most of it away. My writing until recently all ended up binned No one got to see it because I was to embarrassed about writing. See as a child in care I had been told any male that wrote about emotions must be homosexual and not a proper man. As for my art work well they said it made me look not only like a big girl but like a gay big girl at that. Even when I played clarinet and saxophone in the school band that meant the same thing. Playing rugby however didn't reverse of those gay things. So my self worth and self esteem have always been low and at times becomes non existent. It's only because of the internet and the anonymity that comes with it that anyone has seen my work.
I became so homophobic because of these things it caused major problems in my life. Re-enforcing the believe held by me that I was worthless and I was a person no one would want as a friend. I have always had problems making true friends all because of social services.
Trying to be a normal lad when I was young was never going happen. I never dated anyone younger than me just in case it ended up being my sister. Can you imagine the mental scars that puts on a young lad?
I Know a fair amount of what I am saying here is self pity and that I should grow up as they say. However when I know that social services are still doing the same thing to kids NOW I get emotional and wonder what will it take for these so called educated people to learn what they are doing is wrong?
Every year at Christmas/new year I become a bit of a recluse because I convince myself that no one will care how I feel or want to know what I am going through. This creates my self pity and is another thing, created by social services that limits what I can and can't do. I mean who ever heard of Scotsman that didn't mix at new year?
Even now I am sat with my phones switched of so I don't bring others down to my level especially those few folk I care about. Suppose I should be thankful that I am not trying to kill myself as I have in the past.
Social Services your a bunch of NUMPTIES!
I know it might not seem like it but I find it very difficult to talk about what happened to me. In real life that is, on here where it's kinda anonymous its easy because no one really knows me. In real life there is only one person who knows how I feel and why.
Since finding out that these things are still happening it has kinda got to me and wound me up. So I thought I'd be brutally honest about these things here. See if it makes anyone think or hopefully do something about it all.
I won't go into what happened but rather speak about the effects my past has on me today some 40years later.
To start with daily living. I find it very difficult to be among crowds or with new people. There are even a few places I'd like to go that I don't because there will be large crowds there. Trying to interact with folk I don't know just makes me so scared I start shaking. Over recent weeks I fell out with a guy I had been friends with for over 20 years because of all this. He felt it wasn't my place to argue anyone's case other than my own and since I had found my siblings I could just forget it ever happened. Well NO I can't because there are kids now in their formative years who will be learning life as I did and becoming so dysfunctional they won't have a life!
Anyone who knows me will find this hard to believe but when I go for the weekly shop I need a list of what to buy and where to buy it or I get so confused I don't get anything.
When there is a disagreement in the family I end up shaking and become so frightened of what will happen that I stay away from family members rather than face the argument. This is better than what I used to do when I would just start hitting folk.
When I do my hobbies, all of which are things done on your own, I never think my work is good enough and end up throwing most of it away. My writing until recently all ended up binned No one got to see it because I was to embarrassed about writing. See as a child in care I had been told any male that wrote about emotions must be homosexual and not a proper man. As for my art work well they said it made me look not only like a big girl but like a gay big girl at that. Even when I played clarinet and saxophone in the school band that meant the same thing. Playing rugby however didn't reverse of those gay things. So my self worth and self esteem have always been low and at times becomes non existent. It's only because of the internet and the anonymity that comes with it that anyone has seen my work.
I became so homophobic because of these things it caused major problems in my life. Re-enforcing the believe held by me that I was worthless and I was a person no one would want as a friend. I have always had problems making true friends all because of social services.
Trying to be a normal lad when I was young was never going happen. I never dated anyone younger than me just in case it ended up being my sister. Can you imagine the mental scars that puts on a young lad?
I Know a fair amount of what I am saying here is self pity and that I should grow up as they say. However when I know that social services are still doing the same thing to kids NOW I get emotional and wonder what will it take for these so called educated people to learn what they are doing is wrong?
Every year at Christmas/new year I become a bit of a recluse because I convince myself that no one will care how I feel or want to know what I am going through. This creates my self pity and is another thing, created by social services that limits what I can and can't do. I mean who ever heard of Scotsman that didn't mix at new year?
Even now I am sat with my phones switched of so I don't bring others down to my level especially those few folk I care about. Suppose I should be thankful that I am not trying to kill myself as I have in the past.
Social Services your a bunch of NUMPTIES!
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